Ragnar Lodbrok vs Richard the Lionheart

Epic Rap Battles of History! Richard the lion Versus Ragnar Lodbrok Begin! I am Richard the first, from the third crusade That only leaves room for you in second place The chivalrous swinger of the sword and mace And I'll kill you when I spit like a pit full of snakes I'm the number one Dick rising up to make you feel small My battering ram slams through your shield wall I'll announce at the next of your things That I'm chomping through your family like boneless wings Of course you got avenged by a kid with no bones Your own story ended worse than Game of Thrones Your son killed your ex, your ex killed your wife I'm the Lion King, man, but that's a messed up circle of life Half-assed head tats can't be condoned It's like you raided the face of Post Malone I'm scared of no foe, I'm backed by the Trinity I'll conquer you on my day off like you were Sicily Threatening to conquer Ragnar is bold For a king who got whacked by a ten year old I'll sacrifice you to Odin while drinking horns of mead Good thing you hold a red cross 'cause that's who you're going to need You built your army by raising English taxes I raise my army taxing English asses with my axes And who are you to talk about the circle of life? Your old lady can't feel the love on any night Your only son was illegitimate, you heired on the side I'll twist your spine like the end of the Plantagenet line I'm just a warrior, I'm not a linguist But I think the king of England should probably speak English You took Acre and Jaffa like a piece of cake But never attacked Jerusalem, for Christ's sake You saw the holy land but couldn't go all the way We should call it the crusade of Richard the First base Sail back north with your barbarian goons Because I'm tearing down your legacy, leaving it in runes Your real self next to your legend disappoints I see you shaking in your shaggy little pants like Zoinks Who invented the royal me? We Who's the predominantly fictional MC? Thee You're a wannabe, mon ami, kneel down and honor me Richard coming through in the end like Sean Connery The double-coronated blood and gore gourmet You might have the axe, but I make a body spray Lionheart's the sobriquet but I strike like a cobra If I wanted to fight loser Vikings, I'd go to Minnesota You want to fight me? Take off the tin shirt I'll be waiting in my birthday suit, going berserk Ding dang dong, morning bells warn about me at the break of dawn And I'm putting you to sleep like your brother John Leaving monks in chunks on Northumbrian lawns 'Cause I'm the Allfather's spawn You couldn't even beat a salad in a fight You're as soft as Monty Python knights You went from chainmail to chained up in jail Til Mommy drained England to pay for your bail But no king's ransom will save you from these bars, son I'm eating you alive like the gangrene you died from Who won? Who's next? You decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!