Mother I Sober (feat. Beth Gibbons)

I'm sensitive, I feel everything, I feel everybody One man standin' on two words, heal everybody Transformation, then reciprocation, karma must return Heal myself, secrets that I hide, buried in these words Death threats, ego must die, but I let it purge Pacify, broken pieces of me, it was all a blur Mother cried, put they hands on her, it was family ties I heard it all, I should've grabbed a gun, but I was only five I still feel it weighin' on my heart, my first tough decision In the shadows clingin' to my soul as my only critic Where's my faith? Told you I was Christian, but just not today I transformed, prayin' to the trees, God is taking shape My mother's mother followed me for years in her afterlife Starin' at me on back of some buses, I wake up at night Loved her dearly, traded in my tears for a Range Rover Transformation, you ain't felt grief 'til you felt it sober I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself Ooh, I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself I remember lookin' in the mirror, knowin' I was gifted Only child, me for seven years, everything for Christmas Family ties, they accused my cousin, "Did he touch you, Kendrick?" Never lied, but no one believed me when I said, "He didn't" Frozen moments, still holdin' on it, hard to trust myself I started rhymin', copin' mechanisms to lift up myself Talked to my lawyer, told me not to be so hard on myself He has an aura, I hope to achieve, if I find some help Congratulations, made it to be famous, still I feel uneasy Water watchin', live my life in nature, only thing relieves me Spirit guide whisper in my ear, tell me that she sees me "Did he touch you?" I said, "No" again, still they didn't believe me Mother's brother said, "He got revenge for my mother's face" Black and blue, the image of my queen that I can't erase 'Til this day can't look her in the eyes, pain is takin' over Blame myself, you never felt guilt 'til you felt it sober I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself Ooh, I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself I was never high, I was never drunk, never out my mind I need control, they handed me some smoke, but still I declined I did it sober sittin' with myself, I went through all emotions No dependents, except for one, let me bring you closer Intoxicated, there's a lustful nature that I failed to mention Insecurities that I project, sleepin' with other women Whitney's hurt, the purest soul I know, I found her in the kitchen Askin' God, "Where did I lose myself? And can it be forgiven?" Broke me down, she looked me in my eyes, "Is there an addiction?" I said, "No," but this time I lied, I knew that I can't fix it Pure soul, even in her pain, know she cared for me Gave me a number, said, "She recommended some therapy" I asked my momma, why she didn't believe me when I told her "No"? I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I'm sympathetic Told me that, "She feared it happened to me, for my protection" Though it never happened, she wouldn't agree Now I'm affected, 20 years later trauma has resurfaced Amplified as I write this song, I shiver 'cause I'm nervous I was five, questioning myself, 'lone for many years Nothing's wrong, just results on how them questions made me feel I made it home, seven years of tour, chasin' manhood But Whitney's gone, by time you hear this song, she did all she could All those women gave me superpowers, what I thought I lacked I pray our children don't inherit me and feelings I attract A conversation not bein' addressed in Black families The devastation, hauntin' generations and humanity They raped our mothers, then they raped our sisters Then they made us watch, then made us rape each other Psychotic torture between our lives we ain't recovered Still livin' as victims in the public eyes who pledge allegiance Every other brother has been compromised I know the secrets, every other rapper sexually abused I see 'em daily buryin' they pain in chains and tattoos So listen close before you start to pass judgement on how he move Learn how he cope, whenever his uncle had to walk him from school His anger grows deep in misogyny This is post-traumatic Black families and a sodomy, today is still active So I set free myself from all the guilt that I thought I made So I set free my mother all the hurt that she titled shame So I set free my cousin, chaotic for my mother's pain I hope Hykeem made you proud, 'cause you ain't die in vain So I set free the power of Whitney, may she heal us all So I set free our children, may good karma keep them with God So I set free the hearts filled with hatred, keep our bodies sacred As I set free all you abusers, this is transformation I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself Ooh, I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself You did it, I'm proud of you You broke a generational curse Say "Thank you, dad" Thank you, daddy, thank you, mommy, thank you, brother Mr. Morale Before I go in fast asleep, love me for me I bare my soul and now we're free