It's My Nose's Birthday

The other night I'm walking home and feelin' so gay When I'm walking home I'm always that way What a home I got The kitchen is delightful, the living room is grand, and the bathroom is out of this world. Which makes it a little bit inconvenient. When I opened up my door I got the grandest suprise All my friends were there and they began to harmonize Wait a minute, wait a minute! Curb your enthusiasm, this isn't my birthday. No, but it's the birthday of someone near and dear to me It's my Nose's Birthday not mine And I'm proud to say the snoz is doin' fine My nose was born upon this day in eighteen ninety three Exactly two weeks later the stork delivered me Was the first time that a nose outweighed the child When I was born my dad took one look at my snoz and said: Stork, take that back! Just because our country's emblem is an eagle that don't mean we have to raise one. But in spite of my dad the snoz and I are closer than David and Pretentious. Not even a mustache has ever come between us I tried to raise a mustache once and what happened? nutin' It wouldn't grow in the shade it's sabotage But I'm as happy as I can be cuz' it's my nose's golden anaversary. Looking back over the years The snoz and I weathered many a storm. I remember years ago my first train ride I was on a lower birth when I decided to call the porter So I stuck my nose out through the curtin and what happened? The porter came by, grabbed my snoz, and before I could pull it back in He brused it, shined it, polished, and said: Now where's the other shoe? A big tear started to roll down my nose and it's a brave tear that will start on a trip like that I felt sorry for the snoz but I'm proud of 'em Why? I'll tell ya: The snoz was never unreasonable he'd never asked for no french rolled handkerchiefs, he didn't need no french rolled handkerchiefs a whipe of the cuff was enough. Yes. And I'll never forget the time the snoz saved my life. I was one of those sultry weekends at the beach I'm in the water swimming the Australian crawl when I find myself face to face with a vicious swordfish he was about to attack, but after taking a second look at me the sordfish said: "I give up, you're equiped with a superior weapon." So ya see I'm as happy as I can be cuz' it's my nose's golden anniversary, cuz' it's my nose's golden anniversary.